Artblock are comon and sometimes neccesary to grow. This art block that had hit me, was exdrodinary. It lasted for several weeks and I was questioning everything I ever did.
I love art. And I want to build my future on it. But I wasn’t sure in which direction I should move forward. This made me feel extremly unhappy and confused for quite a while.
I tried many, many different styles and projects. I tried childrens book illustration for the past few years. (yes years.) only to realize that this wasn’t my jam. Or that I simply didn’t enjoyed it. I tried paintings and illustrations.
I tried finding a mixture of realistic and comic and hated the outcome. Truly thinking finding my style was the problem. I tried illustrating events from history I was excited about. But it was never enough space to tell a story in one picture. And I had stories to tell.
Then it hit me. Finally I knew what issue has bothered me all along. Limiting myself to just paint one picture and trying to put all the informations I had about this topic into one single piece. And this was impossible (For me). So I thought how I could solve this problem. Because this is what aritsts do. Trying to find a way to express themselves.
„What about a graphic novel?“ I thought.
And from there my mind went crazy. I felt free. I could produce many small pictures and they all had a meaning to fullfill. Thinking about „the best composition, moment, light, focus point“ of one single picture had stopped. I could do, what felt natural to me and not forced.
I felt so excited to finish one picture and then jump to the next without having to think about that this one picture is the „grand one picture with all the meanings crammed into one single artwork.“
It is a whole new world right now for me, but I feel like I am finally clear about what I want to produce. I am also scared because it is something completly new. And this is also normal. But every night Iget to work, I fell happy to paint the next small picture. It really does make me feel free and the fact that I can tell a story is even more fun.
You might be thinking „Well why didnt Childrens book illustration work out?“
For many years I suppressed who I was as an artist. I might be a happy cheerful person but my art is not. I dont know why though. I simply like the dark themes, spooky stories and haunting stuff. The more eerie the better. And this does not translate well into childrens book so it made me constantly feel depressed because it didnt show who I was inside.
Now, I stand by my work and love it. And that is what matters the most.
I have goals in my mind I want to reach. I hope one day I will publish a graphic novel of my own. And the road I am about to walk will hopefully lead me there. I am now simply trusting my instinct and doing what I love will get me where I want to be.